Tips for resolving family conflicts related to caring for an older adult

It's part of the natural process that our parents and relatives, once strong and invincible, gradually age as the years go by. And after a while, perhaps when we're adults ourselves, the time comes to help them.

The assistance that an older adult requires is not necessarily due to a specific illness , but rather old age brings with it a series of symptoms, and as age advances, they will become more marked and chronic.

Reduced mobility, progressive vision loss, weakened immune systems, and weakened muscles and joints, memory loss, and digestive system deficits are some of the symptoms that indicate the adult needs more care.

Do you need help with the family member you care for?

An older adult may need full-time help, but what happens when you need help caring for them? How do you communicate this need to your family? How can you ensure the burden doesn't fall solely on your shoulders?

In other Theramart articles, we've provided tips for avoiding caregiver syndrome and some key tips for caregivers when an older adult's life is in their hands.

But this time, we'll give you some tips so you can talk as a family and make them understand the situation of the family member who requires care , so that you don't have to be solely responsible for their health.

How to mediate family conflicts related to caring for an older adult?

It's a reality that caring for our loved ones is something we do with great love, seeking to provide them with a better quality of life, despite their deteriorating health and limitations.

This is how hundreds of thousands of people around the world take on the role of permanent caregivers for their partners, parents, relatives, and children with disabilities, assuming almost full-time responsibility for their care.

But what happens when we need help because our health is starting to deteriorate from spending so much time caring for someone else?

1. The first step is to identify that you cannot do it alone, and that others must also commit to caring.

And this may sound painful and unfair, but from the moment we assume full responsibility for that family member, we also relieve other family members of that burden , who should also, to a greater or lesser extent, be involved.

Have you ever wondered why your siblings, children, or other close relatives of the elderly person continue to live their lives normally while you dedicate yourself full-time to the task?

2. Identify the scope of obligations and do so in a democratic manner

Understand that no one person has a greater or lesser obligation to care for and assist someone. The entire family must help and cooperate to ensure the loved one is in optimal condition.

Just as they were together in good times , in times of crisis it is also essential to be united.

3. Talk about your health honestly and explain how this situation is impacting you physically and mentally.

You must clearly establish that in order to care for others, you need to be healthy , and that will only be possible if you can delegate some of the obligations.

Don't forget to mention all the tasks you do for your family member each day, the time you get up, go to bed, and all the extra responsibilities you have, such as taking care of their medication, hygiene, and nutrition.

4. You can make a list and share it with your family members, so they can decide which tasks they could help with.

Maybe someone is willing to keep the adult company so you can go out, or has a car to take them to the doctor's appointment, or can visit them during the week to help with some tasks.

5. One must be realistic about the health status of the older adult and not force situations that could end in domestic accidents.

Sometimes, due to their illnesses or pathologies, the elderly find themselves in a health situation that is unsustainable without care at home or without the assistance of nursing professionals.

In that case, the best option for the entire family and the adult should be evaluated together. Whether the adult should be placed in a nursing home or whether professional caregivers can be hired to assist them at home.

6. Don't be ashamed to admit that you need financial help.

It's well known that caring for someone comes at a very high cost . From supplies like adult diapers, special bedding, prescription foods, medications, etc., to furniture adapted to ensure a safe home .

Talk to your family about these expenses and how difficult it is for you to face them alone, because doing it together can lighten the load for you a bit.

7. Let go of past grudges or make a truce

It's one of the most difficult tasks, because distancing and arguments are normal. Besides, we all make mistakes. Is it possible to forgive so we can move forward and help a loved one in need?

Forgiveness is something internal, something that must be worked on individually and is often impossible to overcome. But a truce can be forged to lessen the family's pain and improve the quality of life of the sick adult.

8. Do not argue in bad terms, nor give others the opportunity to do so.

Remember, the goal isn't to argue, but to be as honest as possible about what's happening so you can receive help. It helps to let everyone know that we'll have a family meeting to discuss the issue so as not to surprise others.

The situation you are experiencing is not ideal. We should not romanticize what is difficult for us every day and that may be slowly taking away our health , even though there are people around us who can lend a hand.

Have these tips for talking as a family about caring for an older adult been helpful? We wish you the best of luck, and we want to tell you that your dedication and commitment are absolutely inspiring to us.